Monday, March 18, 2013

Everyone should know how to drive a stick

Back in the day it was a requirement to learn how to drive using a car with a manual transmission. What the hell is that some of you say? Well as a new driver it is the worst possible scenario ever. As a teenager sneaking out of the house, it is phenomenal (oh yeah, this will be the topic of the next blog). My mom's rationale is that if you learn on a stick you will always be able to drive any car. Yeah, you never know when you will have to steal a car to save your life. Would suck to break into it and say "Damn, I should've listened to my mom."

So I had to learn to drive with my mom and Jack. After Eric took Driver's Ed, my parents decided the price wasn't worth the benefit. Jack would take me to the country roads and create scenarios and expect me, a 15 yr old, to follow along like they were real. Did I tell you I was a really sarcastic and fairly nasty kid? Then you all know how that went. Jack: now as you pull up to this road to your left, pretend it is a 4 way stop. Me: it isn't a 4 way stop. Jack: I said pretend, and you arrive at the same time as the other car, what should you do? Me: well, since there is no other car, I can't even tell if we arrived at the same time and it isn't a 4 way stop, I am just going to keep driving. WAY WRONG ANSWER. Pull over, get out.

Six months later my mom gave it a shot. She would put a coke bottle on the transmission hump and say "Okay, now you have to drive so that the bottle doesn't fall over." What the fu**? Are you fu**ing kidding me? Game over before it starts. I got like to the end of our road.

Six months later Jack takes me out again. I am kind of like the cheese used in Cheese-Its. I required quite a bit of aging before I would pass the parent test. Since I was now 16 and a half, it was in my best interest to behave.

The day finally came when I took my driving test. You would think it would go smooth after trying for over a year to get to this point, but no. Instead of leaving me with the stick, they "allow" me to drive the automatic. Did I tell you I hadn't trained in that car??!!! Thank God the driving instructor was drunk (at least that's the only thing that makes sense), I passed.

Thus began a series of adventures that will live in Infamy!!!!!