Friday, October 25, 2013

They want my fries

These are my terrible dogs.  This is what I see after a long week of mentally tiring work and all I want to do is eat my waffle fries and ketchup.  Where do they learn this look?  Why do I give them my fries?  Why is my finger in this photo? What is the meaning of life?  Why did those kids steal my bike when I was 11? Clearly I am mentally tired and can't focus... Who am I talking to?  Is this my blog?  I'm going to bed.  

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Have you ever...

- Gotten out of the shower and your hair is still dry, damnit
- Pumped gas and then realized you never turned off your car
- Drove into work, got out of your car, locked it, and then realized it is still running
- Filled your car with groceries, closed the trunk and realized your keys are locked inside along with your kids who are all under 4 years old.
- Pulled into McDonalds, placed an order, almost get to the window, realized you didn't have your wallet and just drive away.
- Forgotten to pick up your child from after school activities after a long day's work 
- Left a full cart of groceries in the middle of the store after your kids said "I want that" one too many times
- Worn one blue shoe and one black cuz you had to be to work at 3 am and you dressed in the dark 
- Hated the color of your outfit so you went to the mall at lunch, bought another and threw the other one in the trash.

Yeah, me neither... 

Friday, October 11, 2013


So today Erica and Joe went to the Commissary.  Erica called me and said, "I'm going to pick up a bag of Twizzlers and leave them on the front porch."  Bill used to do that.  Bill was my husband's dad.

It was an interesting relationship with Grandpa Bill.  Many a time when the girls were young, I would get off work, pick them up, and upon our arrival at home there would be something sitting on the bench on the porch.  Candy, pork chops, all kind of things.  Never a note, just a gift.  Personally I think he was making up for maybe what he thought were failings with his own children.  We all have the things we would have done differently.

During this time, he would help us out if I had to work late or Michael did, and pick our girls up from school or take them to practices.  He would never go in.  He would sit in the car and wait for them.  I think they really loved it.  I think he enjoyed it.  I know I really appreciated it.  

Bill died from the big C and was cremated.  I think before he passed he reconciled all those demons he had from a life that in many ways was hard lived.  Now this next part can be taken in different ways.

We still have his ashes.  They are in a flask in the truck.  When Erin used to drive the truck, she would open the console and say "Hi Grandpa."  Yep, that's how we roll.  We don't just carry around memories...

He definitely had an impact and loved the girls.  It was fun to take a trip down this particular memory lane.  We still have the bench on the porch.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

The Best Places to Pee

That's right.  I have decided that with my worldly travels over the last 13 years I should write a coffee table book on the best places to pee or rather "what to expect when peeing in different countries."  Why should great experiences such as this go unshared?  Exactly, it is my duty to do this.  I think I have some friends who would be all in and help me write it (for a cut of course!)... Andrea, Pat...

Chapter one:  Pay for Pee: 30 pence or no peeing at the Basingstoke train station
Chapter four:  Men and Women welcome: Hope you are comfortable peeing with others - the Netherlands 
Chapter twenty-six:  Only sexy women allowed: Brazil.  Actually all women in Brazil see themselves as sexy.  We could learn much from them!

Look for this interesting and informative piece of reading at a bookstore near you soon! 

Friday, October 4, 2013

What's in a name

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet" is a commonly quoted part of a dialogue in William Shakespeare's play Romeo and Juliet, in which Juliet argues that the names of things do not matter, only what things "are".  

Well let me tell you THAT is BULLSHIT.  The government better get their act together right now.  They got Erica's name change wrong on her social security card and then they shut down. 

Because the name on it rhymes, I thought it would be kind of entertaining.  Well, bad parenting moment.  She was a little angry and by little I mean REALLY PISSED!!!

So I am now getting in my car and am headed to Washington DC.  As a parent it is my job to assure my children's happiness.  For those who know me, get your bail money ready.  Chances are my influence will be misinterpreted (clearly due to my sparkling personality) and I will be tossed in the federal klink.  

Congress, you best start preparing for my arrival.  

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting

I worked for Osco during college.  It was the 11-7 shift.  Yep all night long.  It was just me and the Pharmacist.  This was back when there was regular tv and no shows were on after like 2 am.  So I would come in and wait for the other girl to leave.  I would grab a little tv from the electronics case, plug it in and watch this station that only showed Kung Fu movies.  

Usually about an hour after the movies ended, I would fall asleep behind the register.  No one ever came in except the alcoholics to buy the cough syrup that was behind the pharmacy counter.

All was good until one night whilst I was asleep on the job, there came a pounding on the register counter.  I banged my head on the counter as I stood up and promptly said, "I wasn't sleeping."  The police officer just laughed and said, "Yes you were."  He then told me that I was probably really lucky I had fallen asleep because a guy had just robbed the store and they caught him as he was leaving.  Turns out the Pharmacist was asleep too.  

The funny thing was that there was a Dunkin Donuts just behind the Osco and there were always like 3 cops there.  This was one of them.  I suppose I could have tossed out a joke at that moment, but considering he agreed not to tell my boss of my slacking off, I remained silent.

I stayed awake after that.  And I paid attention to the movies.  The next robbery, I was going to bust a move on those criminals.