Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Jello Cookies

If anyone tells my mom I posted this I will vehemently deny it and remove all evidence of its existence. That being said...

Every year my mom makes quite the assortment of cookies at Christmas.  Usually she tries some new recipe each year to see how it does. Many years ago she tried the Jello cookie.  Those of you who remember the Jello cookie incident of 1993, you have just blown cola threw your nose. 

You might think that this cookie would be soft and pliable. I thought that too. It was round, about the size of a half dollar, and light pink - really eye catching. Me being one who would try this good looking cookie picked one up and bit into it.

I thought I lost two teeth. That was the hardest damn cookie I have ever tried. I banged it on the ground. Other members of the family joined in. Then my mom saw us. She was unamused. The holiday can be stressful and making fun of my mom's cookies is like asking to be removed from the will. The jokes went on and we had a really fun time, be at a bit of her expense.

I lived in North Carolina at the time so we traveled back after the holiday and I had forgotten all about the cookies - until the package showed up at my job.

I had no idea what it could be. I opened it in front of my workmates and sure as shit, there was those jello cookies and a note.

My mom said she hoped I would appreciate having them since they brought me such joy at Christmas. Ha! She said she set them out for the squirrels since no one had eaten them, but quickly realized the squirrels were throwing them at the house in rebellion and she was pretty sure she had seen one squirrel flip her off. 

Those cookies come up in conversation now and again when we encounter un-eatable food.  I still remember bouncing those cookies off the ground and they didn't even crumble. Jello my ass.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Such an emotional weenie

I already know I can't go to live theater where emotion is involved.  Yes I am the one who stood up during Miss Saigon and yelled Noooooooooo! when she killed herself and the one sobbing uncontrollably during An Almost Holy Picture when she tried to shave off all her hair.  

Now it's movies. There have been several movies lately where the story was really emotional or someone has died or been killed and I just wasn't ready for it. It's a good thing it's dark in a theater.  I now at least take Kleenex and can keep my sobbing more quiet. Even when I see it coming. It doesn't matter if it's fairy tales or scifi. 

I used to try to be cool about it, now I don't care. I just try to keep the nose blowing to a minimum. If the director is trying to figure out if the movie will elicit this kind of feeling, s/he really ought to have me in the focus group.

Today was Star Wars -The Force Awakens.  Friggin' JJ Abrams. Had to go and do that. I have known these characters 38 years. The only thing that made me chuckle a bit in my tears what the fact that the Kylo Ren actor was just the youngest brother in This Is Where I Leave You. He was such an idiot in that movie. 

With more Marvel movies coming out soon I need to find a way to recover quickly. Maybe I should experiment with a movie stress ball.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Stroke of Luck

A week ago I had a TIA, a tiny stroke.  I was eating dinner with my husband and youngest daughter when out of nowhere I was talking jibberish. I knew what I was trying to say, but it wasn't coming out right. The harder I tried, the harder it was to say anything. Then my words were just gone. It only lasted about an hour, but the fear factor was incredible. Away to the hospital we went, where after a CT they promptly announced I had a stroke. I just started to cry. 

My neurologist found this all quite a mystery. I just don't have the risk factors. He said I was very lucky and that this is a warning. Okay, I'm listening! 

I know the event was scary for me but it was almost more so for my family. I think my daughter and I have a stronger relationship now. Much to my chagrin she knows I am human after all. If I had any doubt how much my husband loves me after all these years, that is gone. The fear in his eyes when he knew he could not protect me was overwhelming to me. I am not the most lovable person, but by God my family showed me how much they love me. I am very blessed and very lucky. Maybe in some weird way this was the only way to deliver a message to me. Don't be so hard on yourself. You don't have to be superwoman, we love you unconditionally. 

The one thing that hurts me is that I missed my middle daughter's graduation from graduate school. I know how disappointed she was. I wish I could fix that. 

I am thankful for my family and friends. I love the texts asking me how I feel today and the daily phone calls. As much as I am thankful for the outpouring of love, I hope this doesn't happen again. 

At least I kept my sense of humor...

Monday, July 27, 2015

It did not fall out

It was a pretty common occurrence for my mother to question the whereabouts of my brain as a teenager and well okay, til I was about 40. 

Shelley Ann, did your brain fall out of your head?

What the hell kind of decision was that, is there anything in there (knocking on my head)?

If I look in this ear I will probably see your dad on the other side because there can't be anything in that head of yours!

Well, I am here to tell you that my brain is indeed in my head. You know how I know?  Because I just had a neck MRI and lo and behold you can see every bit of my beautiful brain in there.

It's in every damn image. 

So as for those all those situations I got into and all those decisions with which you disagreed? That was just plain stupidity. 

Monday, July 13, 2015

Just rip it off

So my month long stay in Italy was cut short.  Have you ever had a pinched nerve?  Let me describe it:

Take a dozen forks and keep poking your neck and shoulder with them, hard, then

Take your left arm and tell someone to twist it just until you think it will rip apart and have him just hold it there, then

You only know your left hand is there because you can see it and touch it , but it has no feeling and you are still apologizing to the guy that you spilled tomato juice on on the airplane from Amsterdam to Atlanta cuz you forgot you couldn't feel your hand when you reached to take the drink from the stewardess, then

Just to make it interesting have absolutely no meds that make it feel better and you can't get into a neurologist in the Indy and surrounding area until Aug 4th. 

Thanks to BCD travel for getting me out of Italy within hours of being cursed with this wonderful event.

And finally after 3 weeks abroad I have these things to be thankful for in the great USA:

Salad Dressing
Any other food than Italian
God Bless the USA and if you haven't chosen a profession, please be a neurologist because clearly there aren't enough of them!

Friday, June 12, 2015

Playing nine pin

As the summer storms roll by this evening I am taken back in my memory by the thunder. Back to when I was a child and loved to learn about and read fables, folklore, and fairy tales.  One in particular stored itself deep in my brain and was awakened today after slumbering for many years.  

Don't worry my dear, don't let that thunder frighten you. It is only Henry Hudson playing nine pin in the mountains... Indeed it is.  I am not afraid.

It's alive!!!!

Funny how a thing like assuring a butterfly makes it into the wild makes you feel like a champion. 

I bought this little dude last weekend at a farmer's market.  Today was the magical day that it emerged from it's chrysalis and was ready for the world.

Fly, be free! Live a wonderful life!  

Today is a very good day!

Saturday, May 30, 2015

An old soul

I have always loved talking to older people. When I was a kid I would spend more time with adults than kids, especially when I was a teenager. I was always at my Uncle Hank's, the Falbos, or my Aunt Thelma's. I never had a problem talking to them. It was easy. I think that's why I didn't develop a lot of friends my age. I didn't know how to behave with them or act like them. 

It's kind of funny because even now when I meet older folks just about anywhere they usually strike up a conversation or I do and it's a good time. 

Now that I'm almost 50 I seem to be growing into myself.  Some of us are slower getting there than others.  I am really enjoying my life now.  I feel now like I did when I was with them - at peace, at ease, loving me for who I am.

I am so glad to have shaken off the BS from just a couple of years ago. I love everything I have and I am thankful for it. 

Friday, April 3, 2015

Let the search begin

I pride myself on how hard my Easter egg hunts are. If it takes over an hour, I have done my job as a good mom. No adult child should be given any breaks in the theater of egg hunting.  They will need all their senses for this one; all their land-nav   skills. This hunt is at night.

They've seen riddles so hard they needed to team up to find their eggs.  They had them hidden so creatively, we forgot where they were and discovered them months later.  This year will be the best yet.  We start at night and hunt til dawn or until we go to Eric's to eat THE BEST pizza in the universe. 

Let the games begin!!!! 

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Maybe you need to think before committing to next semester

Open letter to all Indiana Public Universities from a humble student:

Thanks for your letter telling me how much I owe in student loans and how I should consider this debt before I sign up for another semester. Yes because not finishing my degree and working in the fast food industry is why I started down this road to begin with. I never meant to make my life better by earning more money after getting my degree, paying my student loans, and then living a great life. I have a letter I would like you to read.

Dear <name of senior administrator here>,

I have evaluated your costs and need you to seriously consider a significant flaw in your program before you take more money from young people trying to better themselves. I see that your graduation requirements requires me to take a wealth of courses that have absolutely nothing to do with my major. You make me pay for these "elective" courses. These courses make up about 50% of the cost. 

How about you eliminate those meaningless courses, save me some money, and teach me what I really need to know to be a successful graphic designer or analytical chemist who can provide true value as soon as I walk through my new employer's door. Skills that allow me to flourish so that I don't hear, "well, we really need you to have more experience performing these activities before we can hire you." Gee, how about partnering with local companies and giving us some real world experience? This helps us get true learning, college credits, and companies get cheap labor.

If you only require me to take courses I truly need, I will only be in college for 18 months, maybe 24 total. The cost is less, the skills are better, and I am an immediately productive member of society who can really support my family. 

Think about that before you force another chemistry student to take ceramics or a graphic design student to take stress management because there aren't any of the required major courses this semester. 

Sincerely yours,
A student who is tired of wasting her time and future money for loans on worthless college courses.