Saturday, August 15, 2015

Stroke of Luck

A week ago I had a TIA, a tiny stroke.  I was eating dinner with my husband and youngest daughter when out of nowhere I was talking jibberish. I knew what I was trying to say, but it wasn't coming out right. The harder I tried, the harder it was to say anything. Then my words were just gone. It only lasted about an hour, but the fear factor was incredible. Away to the hospital we went, where after a CT they promptly announced I had a stroke. I just started to cry. 

My neurologist found this all quite a mystery. I just don't have the risk factors. He said I was very lucky and that this is a warning. Okay, I'm listening! 

I know the event was scary for me but it was almost more so for my family. I think my daughter and I have a stronger relationship now. Much to my chagrin she knows I am human after all. If I had any doubt how much my husband loves me after all these years, that is gone. The fear in his eyes when he knew he could not protect me was overwhelming to me. I am not the most lovable person, but by God my family showed me how much they love me. I am very blessed and very lucky. Maybe in some weird way this was the only way to deliver a message to me. Don't be so hard on yourself. You don't have to be superwoman, we love you unconditionally. 

The one thing that hurts me is that I missed my middle daughter's graduation from graduate school. I know how disappointed she was. I wish I could fix that. 

I am thankful for my family and friends. I love the texts asking me how I feel today and the daily phone calls. As much as I am thankful for the outpouring of love, I hope this doesn't happen again. 

At least I kept my sense of humor...